A Chosen Generation

“For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me.” John 6:38 This is my last full week of field time and my heart is breaking. It feels like yesterday I was landing here for the first time not knowing the Lord was about to flip my life what felt upside down. Guatemala has been both a wilderness and a refuge in the past 9 months. The Lord knew I would find Him here and He knew that I needed Guatemala more than Guatemala needed me. This year has been the best year of my life and it all started with a yes to the Lord. A yes to allow Him to work through me and break me of myself. I have never been more free in my entire life. I am reminded of the work that Jesus did for me on the cross and how his blood shed for my sins to set me free and gave me the life I have today. I no longer live for myself, but for Him who has brought me out of the darkest of places and into the light. He has given me a new life with a new love and hope in Him. I d...

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Communal living can be tough and tiring. Sharing a house with 18 people can even get overwhelming at times, but it has been so good. I have never been as close with the 18 people that I have only known for around 9 months. By this time we all know each others likes and dislikes and we defiantly know what buttons not to push. These verses are a good reminder for the home. Ministry starts in the home and if we can’t abide to what love says here our home will fall apart. Seeking the Lord daily is a must and treating each other with love is what has got us through these last 9 months. We about a week and a half left it is easier to distant myself from the people ...

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”                                          John 8:36   My time in Guatemala has consisted of one word: freedom. A freedom I have never felt before. Knowing that there was a God in heaven that loved me, but for the first time in my life experiencing that love in my heart and everyday life. Coming into ignite I had so many secret sins that I was enslaved to that I didn't realize. God broke into my heart and my life has never been the same. Stripping everything I had from me and starting over with a fresh desire for Him alone. It hurt, but it was what I needed. Humbling, equipping, and steadying my heart to do His will. Finally seeing Him as my strength, my healer, my redeemer and my Father. I am free indeed. And as I walk in this freedom I will give everything I have to Him. Loving Him with all my heart and surrendering ...

“Strive to enter through the narrow door. For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able.” Luke 13:24 Being so close to the end of field time is a weird feeling, and it hurts, but knowing that God will be walking me step by step through it. Knowing that my future is in His hands I must trust that He knows what He is doing and looking back on the past 8 months, He surely has. He has boughten me out of my comfort zone and has brought me to my ultimate healing place. He has provided me a home to not only live but to grow in a deeper relationship with Him and those around me. This time away has been the biggest blessing and has forever changed my life. As I return back home I want to continue walking through the narrow door. I don't want to go home and get comfortable again. Being in ignite wasn't a pause on my life back home but a play to take what I've learned this year back home and be a witness to what the Lord has done in my life. Never settling...

“Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.” Colossians 3:2 It is really easy to look at the world around me and be consumed on what’s going on or what’s not happening in my life. I have always been a big planner and tried to have each day mapped out. When I look at my life here it’s the complete opposite of anything I have been used to. God has been teaching me to let go of my desires and my plans and lay them at His feet. That always ending in something far better than I could ever plan out. I have always been someone with a 5 year plan hoping to be from point A to point B in a certain amount of time. I can truly say I have no idea where I’ll be this time next year and I am not worried about it one bit. And that alone blows my mind. One of the biggest things I have learned in this season is to not hold onto things. Learning that people disappoint and I myself can disappoint, but the Lord is always faithful. The more I live the more I realize that my life h...

“If we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself.” 2 Timothy 2:13 This new year has been a rollercoaster of emotions. From really high highs to some really low lows. Feeling motivated one day, but discouraged the next. So many transitions and so many promises falling through. The only thing I can hold on to for certain is God’s word. He has proven my doubts wrong so many times and has blessed me even when I am no where close to deserving it. He blows my mind each day and it makes me realize how real and big my God is. God is so much greater than my own dreams and my own plans and it’s a daily reminder that I am here to serve Him even when that looks like cleaning fruits and veggies. I know that the seeds we plant here may not been seen for years to come, but that’s something worth waiting for because I know that God is moving in Guatemala. What a blessing it is to even have the chance to love on these kids and at times its so easy to forget that when I ...

“Now godliness with contentment is great gain.” 1 Timothy 6:6 God’s heart can be found in everything. In the small details and the big things. He never fails to amaze me. The more I reflect on God’s grace towards me, the more I discover how undeserving I am. My heart can get so caught up on the physical, but God goes so much deeper than the surface. In this slow period I find myself getting discontent and overthinking if this is what God has for me. At times I feel discouraged in not knowing what I am doing, but He picks me up and reminds me what I am called to do. To love others, lead them to Christ and to be a light in this dark world. It can be a slap in the face examining myself and seeing where my priorities are because they usually point back to my selfish wants instead of the Lord. Once my eyes are taken off myself I truly see why I am here. The people of Guatemala have forever impacted my life. The children here are filled with so much joy and laughter that it can t...

“Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for war and my fingers for battle; he is my steadfast love and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield and he in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me.” Psalm 144:1-2 Constantly reminding myself that He is greater. Greater than my past. Greater than my future. Greater than the things that tend to hold me back from fully seeking His kingdom. All I have to do is call upon His name and let Him move. I can’t keep sticking Him in my pocket when I feel like He can’t do something and I am tired of trying to climb the ladder to what I want to get to on my own. I need Him every moment of everyday and I need to stop living like I don’t. He is my rock. He is my strong tower. He is my deliverer. He is my refuge. He will and He has always been these things. In Him I lack nothing and in Him I am set free. Free from all the guilt and shame that I once held on to so tightly and finally letting God wipe out those ...

“So then my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20 My prayer is to walk this out everyday. Waking up each morning asking for more of Him. I don’t want to be ignorant, I want my words to be glorifying to Christ. Words hurt and destroy relationships. May I be wise with my words and not let my tongue speak wicked things. I want to speak kindness and love and words that show Jesus in my life. No one needs negativity, no one needs complaining or sarcasm. Removing those words from my mouth will reflect who God is calling me to be. I want to reflect Christ, but that demands a daily heart check. What kingdom am I serving? What master am I under? If I don’t first the kingdom of God I am wasting my time. I want to start and end my days with Him and with the right attitude. I don’t want to be stuck in my own ways. I want to be open to whatever comes next. Search my ...

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 The Lord has blessed me incredibly, especially with the people He has placed in my life. My mind is blown every time I look at my team here. There are 18 people living in this house and we could be anywhere in the world right now, but God has called us here for a reason and purpose. Ages ranging from 2 to 42 years old with so many different backgrounds and testimonies. It has been beautiful seeing God’s hand in all of our lives. Living in a community like this where we are all seeking the Lord is such a comfort knowing that I have the support of so many and people around to challenge me. There are days though where living so close can become hard and frustrating, but so easily resolved when we are open and honest with one another. Being away from home gets hard at times, but it’s a family here and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Living together physically is a lot ea...

“You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem! Do not fear or be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord is with you.” 2 Chronicles 20:17 Stand still and battle are three words I wouldn’t usually put together. When I find myself caught up in a battle or struggle, I either freak out/ overthink everything or I give in. But I find that those are the battles I try to fight alone. Fussing trying to figure it all out on my own, while God’s hand has been reaching out the whole time. Not reaching down because He isn’t far up, He has always just been a reach away. I get so blind to the fact that He wants to help me because I get so consumed with myself. Knowing in my heart that the Lord is near so the only thing left is to stand still and allow Him to fight for me. All my life I have battled with control. Trying to control my life and the lives around me, but the L...

“And when they prevailed over them, the Hagrites and all who were with them were given into their hands, for they cried out to God in the battle, and He granted their urgent plea because they trusted in Him.” 1 Chronicles 5:20 “For they cried out to God” God answers His people and grants us victory when we cry out to Him. New Years resolutions have always been a funny to me and I am sure my resolutions have humored God over the years. I always take it so seriously until like mid February and then I slack. This past year I have seen and heard more from God than ever before. I cried out to Him and He saved me. My weakness attracted God because he can’t resist those who humbly and honestly admit to needing him desperately. He saved me from the mess I was in and brought me here. A place to heal a place to take refuge and a place to seek Him with all that I am. Since then my life has never been the same. Sure I fall short and get all fleshly at times, but I know that God will ...

“And the angel of the Lord came back a second time, and touched him and said, ‘Arise and eat because the journey is too great for you.’ so he arose, and ate and drank; and he went in the strength of that food for forty days and forty nights as far as Horeb, the mountain of God.”  - 1 Kings 19:7-8 Where God guides He provides. Elijah was running for his life and had nothing left in him to carry on, but the Lord spoke into his life and fed him spiritually and physically. Our calling is always there and God’s plan will be accomplished with us or with out. For me sometimes this whole missionary thing get a bit overwhelming and sometimes I don’t feel called here at all. Exhausted yet pursuing is what I have to remember. No matter how I feel I know that God has called me here and that’s what keeps me going. I want to finish strong and the only way I can do that is with His strength and not my own. I need to stop relying on myself to do everything and put it all in His hands. ...

“The inner sanctuary was twenty cubits long, twenty cubits wide, and twenty cubits high. He overlaid it with pure gold, and overlaid the alter of cedar.” 1 Kings 6:20 The Lord cares about every detail. Big or small. So many times I have just skimmed over passages like these where it talks about measurements or the variety of things made and I asked God why are these passages here and why are they important. I found that my life can look like this, but while reading I truly recognized Solomon’s dedication to please the Lord. I go through days like I am promised tomorrow sometimes just getting things done and moving on to the next. Treating things with more heart than others. God has my days all planned out and some of those days look like being in the kitchen all day or being at kids camps or fellowshipping with my team, and all of these things need to be acted on with the right heart. A willing heart aligned with His. Some days it gets exhausting and some days I just want ...

“And God gave Solomon wisdom and understanding beyond measure, and breadth of mind like the sand on the seashore.”  1 Kings 4:29 So many times I catch myself asking God for the dumbest of things. Things that only seem temporary or things depending on how I am feeling that day. Solomon was king and his prayer was to gain wisdom. He wasn’t asking God for riches or honor or a long life, but wisdom. God found favor in that knowing that Solomon’s desire was to please the Lord. My prayer life needs to have more faith involved. God knows what I need and He knows what I want, but my prayers need to be for things that are going to grow me and stretch me. This chapter convicted me because I have been keeping God in a box and doubting that He can do the big things that I pray for in my own life and for the lives of others. He is wanting to do exceeding and abundantly more than I can even think of, but I am holding onto the lies of “He won’t”. HE CAN AND HE WILL. He has already do...

“Let us search out and examine our ways, And turn back to the Lord; Let us lift our hearts and hands to God in Heaven. We have transgressed and rebelled; You have not pardoned.”  Lamentations 3:40-42 It’s so easy to lose sight on our own hearts when we are too busy looking at everyone else’s. So easy to judge people’s hearts by their actions, but where’s my heart in that? I never deserved the right to do that nor will I ever. So many times when I do it shows how wicked my own heart is. Heart checks need to be an everyday thing. Letting God search my heart and revealing to me how dirty it is can be rough, but it can also be a beautiful thing. It is beautiful because He doesn’t want me to stay there. He knows my heart and He knows my desire is to love and honor Him so when He does reveal the wickedness in my heart I know that He is listening. I’ve turned my back on the life I lived when I was home and God has taken away those temptations when He brought me here. It’s onl...

“So the Lord preserved David wherever he went” 2 Samuel 8:6 I don’t know why You have fought my battles for so long. I am so undeserving, I don’t know why you persevere me. I know that you love me, but my thoughts have been so wicked and my tongue has been deceiving. Why do you preserve me? I am living life like it’s just another day expecting that you will just give me another one. I wanted to feel something again, and you came to my rescue once again. You are a Father who never shys away from me. You wait patiently for me to return to you and I am sorry that it always takes me so long. Make me a clean heart again. I give you all that I am. No one loves like you do, but I pray that you give me a heart to love those around me like the way you love them. This is my race and I want to run it the best I can. I am tired of running against others, that is not what you have called me to do. Thank you for loving me and the team you have put me on, and going before us as we take on t...

“And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 This week wore me out. I am exhausted, but this promise I hold on to. So many times I run to sleep to find rest and to reenergize me, but coming to the conclusion that no matter how much I sleep I still remain tired. I have fallen short, I have been lacking and I have wasted so much time this week seeking in everything but the Lord. Sleep and food only gives me temporary strength. No matter how much I try to avoid the conviction that I haven’t been spending enough time with the Lord, He reveals it to me. My heart can’t live off temporary, I need the Lord everyday at every hour of my life. “My grace is sufficient for you” gives me rest in knowing that no matter how many times I mess up, I still receive a love that I don’t deserve. “My strength is made pe...

“And He led them forth by the right way, That they might go to a city for a dwelling place.” -Psalm 107:7 Whenever I cry out to the Lord, He saves me. He is always trying to lead me in the right direction, but He doesn’t force me to. It is my choice whether or not to follow Christ and it is my decision to make each and every day. In Hebrews 11 it talks about how Moses made the choice to suffer reproach instead of enjoying the pleasures of sin. He made a decision to live faithfully to Christ and I want to do the same in my walk with the Lord. I want to finish my race strong and realize what I have at the finish line, an entirety with Christ. Yes I want God working and moving in my life and amen that He has, but there are days where I don’t put in what He is trying to pour out. I let myself go a couple days run dry and tired and going into my flesh instead of seeking Him. Field time is so much different than training and it is up to me how much time I want to spend seeking ...

“So Samuel said: ‘ Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, As in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams.”  1 Samuel 15:22 In this chapter Saul had been listening to the voice of people of Israel and pleasing them instead of the Lord. He was in disobedience and put sacrifice over obeying the Lord. This sin took him away from being king. It says the Lord regretted making him king. Am I putting sacrifice over obedience? At times I feel as if I’m doing things to just check off my list instead of doing them unto the Lord. I will put others needs before my own, but I need to make sure I’m doing it with the right heart and glorifying to Him and not myself. I don’t want the Lord to regret sending me here. I don’t want Him to regret using me for a purpose greater than myself. I want to make the Lord proud and excited to call me His daughter more than He already does. I want to please Him...